Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's shark week go big or go home
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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