that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize