"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
