living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
