she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
