i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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