Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When are your genitals available?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize