just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
