Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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