Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its not stalking. its research.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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