So drunk its hurt
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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