hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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