Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize