i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
