piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
