the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
