I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
