I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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