I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
