and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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