even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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