so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
