she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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