Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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