i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
