Having a random hookup so left but love u
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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