I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize