Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
