You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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