oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
