I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
