lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
