I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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