Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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