So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
