I bet he comes in French.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
