I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize