I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
