I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
