Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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