No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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