Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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