you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
