Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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