well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm having to shit out rocks
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