I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
