My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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