Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
