i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
