i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
