how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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