I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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