God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
