Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
