Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
