So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
