His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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