Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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