She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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