is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
