Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
