I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
