He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
