i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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