I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
