Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
