Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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