Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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