i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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